just found something. .

hey,wanna share something to you. . .I cried after I read this letter. . .I got it from one of the blog that I just viewed just now. . .here it is. . .


Mak...
Terlalu bosan rasanya duduk membilang hari...
Dah hampir sepuluh bulan mak pergi
Rasanya baru semalam mak peluk kiter kan sejuk syahdu masih terasa lagi nih...
Mak tau tak...
itu lah pertama kali mak peluk anak mak yang nakal ni sejak kiter dewasa...
dan itu juga terakhir kalinya
Emmmm...rupanya mak dah tau mak nak pergi jauh...
nak tinggal kan anak-anak mak... nak tinggal kan dunia fana ni...
Mak macam dah sedia...
Seminggu sebelum tu...
Mak dah menganyam tikar mengkuang 3 helai...
Akak kata sampai ke pagi mak anyam tikar tuu...
Tanpa rasa mengantuk, tanpa rasa letih...
Kakak pun rasa hairan...
Mak tak penah buat gitu...
Pastu mak pasang radio kecil di sebelah mak...
Tapi mak seolah-olah tak sedar bahawa rancangan radio tu siaran siam ...
Kengkadang siaran indonesia ...
Mak terus tekun menganyam...
Rupanya tikar yang telah mak siapkan tu di gunakan untuk mengiringi mak ke kuburan...
Pastu mak sapu sampah sekeliling rumah bersih-bersih...
Pastu mak jemur karpet-karpet. ..
Pastu mak ubahkan sofa ke tempat lain..
Mak biarkan ruang tu kosong..
Rupanya kat situ jenazah mak diletakkan...
Paling menarik sekali mak bagitau kat maner sume duit dan barang kemas mak..
Ada kat dalam almari...
Ada kat dalam dalam beg...
Ada dalam ASB...
Ada kat dalam Tabung Haji..
Mak cakap tak berapa cukup lagi...
Ada kat dalam gulung tikar...
Masa tu mak perasan takk..??
Kiter gelak sakan bila mak bagitau duit dalam gulung tikar...
Kiter kata mak ni memang pesenn lama laaa...
Mak cuma gelak jer...
Eeemmm..bahagiaa nya saat ituu...
Mak... Hari tu hari sabtu 18 Ogos 1999 pukul 3 petang mak tiba-tiba sakit perut...
Bila malam tu kiter sampai dari KL...
Mak dah dalam kesakitan.
Akak dan abang kat kampong semua dah pujuk...
Mak tetap takmau pi hospital...
Dan cuma tinggal giliran kiter sahaja yang belum pujuk..
Mak kata mak takmau duduk dalam hospital...
Tapi kiter berkeras juga pujuk..
Nanti di hospital ada doktor...
Ada ubat untuk mak..
Kat rumah kami hanya mampu sapu minyak dan urut jer...
Mak tetap tak bersetuju...
Mak memang degil..
Tak salah, anak mak yang ni pon mengikut perangai mak tu..
Tapi akhirnya bila melihat keadaan mak makin teruk...
Mak sakit perut sampai nak sentuh perut mak pon sakit
Kami adik beradik sepakat hantar juga mak ke hospital...
Mak...
Ampunkan kami semua...
Kami nak mak sehat...
Kami sayang mak...
Kami tak mau mak sakit...
Kami terpaksa juga hantar mak ke hospital...
Ampunkan kami yer mak...
Mak... Malam itu abang bawa mak ke hospital
Dan itu lah pertama dan terakhir kali mak naik kereta kiter...
Masih terbayang betapa ceria dan gembiranya mak
Kiter kata nak beli kereta...
Mak asyik tanya ajer..
Cukup ker duit..
Kiter jawab pula...
Kalau tak cukup, mak kan banyak duit...
Mak gelak ajerr...
Lepas tu bila kereta kiter sampai...
Mak buat kenduri kesyukuran...
Dan kiter masih ingat lagi...
Bila kiter eksiden terlanggar Ah-Chong naik motor...
Punya la kiter takut...
Kiter warning kakak kiter jangan sesekali bgtau kat mak...
Bila balik sahaja kampong...
Kiter cepat-cepat simpan keta dalam garaj...
Tapi mak perasan juga bumper depan kemek...
Mak tanya kenapa...?
Selamba jerr kiter jawab terlangar pokok bunga...
Mak...
Tujuan kiter menipu tu supaya mak tak risau...
Maafkan kiter kerana sampai mak pergi mak tak tau hal sebenar...
Mak, kiter menipu mak kan ...
Ampon kan kiter...
Mak...
Jam 4.30 pa gi 19 Ogos 2006
Bila tiba aja kat hospital...
Nurse tengah balut mak dengan kain putih...
Mak mesti nampak kiter jatuh terduduk di lantai hospital...
Mesti mak nampak abang cium dahi mak...
Mesti mak nampak akak baca doa untuk mak...
Mesti mak nampak adik terduduk kat kerusi kat sudut itu...
Mesti mak nampak semua tu kann... kann... kannn...
Mak tau tak...
Pagi tu balik dari hospital jam 5.20 pagi kiter mamandu dalam keadaan separuh sedar...
Adik kat sebelah diam melayan perasann...
Kenangan bersama mak berputar dalam kepala ini...
Jalan di depan terasa makin kelam...
Airmata dah tak mampu di tahan...
Masa tu seandainya apa-apa terjadi di jalan itu kiter rela...
Namun alhamdulillah akhirnya kiter sampai juga...
Di sebab kan pagi masih awal, jadi jalan tu lenggang..
Kosong...sekosong hati ini...
Sepanjang perjalanan terasa kedinginan subuh itu lain benar suasananya...
Terasa syahdu dan sayu...dinginnnn...
Mak...
Kiter masih ingat lagi...
Kiter baca AlQuran kat tepi mak temankan mak...
Jam 11.00 pagi mak di mandi kan ...
Anak2 mak yang pangku masa mak mandi...
Mak mesti rasa betapa lembut nya kami mengosok seluruh tubuh mak...
Kiter gosok kaki mak perlahan lahan...
Mak perasan tak...?
Makcik yang mandikan mak tu pujuk kiter...
Dia kata... "dikk...jangan nangis... kalau sayang mak jangan buat gitu... jangan nangis ya.."
Bila makcik tu kata gitu...
Lagi laaaa... laju airmata ni..
Tapi kiter kawal supaya tak menitik atas mak...
Mak...
Sampai takat ini surat ni kiter tulis...
kiter nangis ni...
Ni kat dlm bilik...baru pukul 4.00 pagi...
Takder orang yang bangun lagi...
Kiter dengar nasyid tajuk "anak soleh" kiter sedih...
Kiter rindu kat mak..!
Takpa la...
Nanti bila kita selesai sembanyang subuh,
Kiter baca yassin untuk mak...
Mak tunggu ya..!
Mak..
Sebelum muka mak di tutup buat selamanya...
Semua anak-anak mak mengelilingi mak...
Menatap wajah mak buat kali terakhir...
Semua orang kata mak seolah-olah senyum aja...
Mak rasa tak...
Masa tu kiter sentuh dahi mak...
Kiter rasa sejukkkk sangat dahi makk...
Kiter tak mampu nak cium mak...
Kiter tak daya...
Kiter tuliskan kalimah tauhid kat dahi mak dengan air mawar...
Airmata kiter tak boleh tahan...
Mak mesti ingat kan yang anak mak ni jadi imam solat jenazah untuk mak...
Tapi kite suruh tok imam bacakan doa sebab kite sebak...
Jam 12 tengahari mak diusung keluar dari rumah...
Akak pula dah terkulai dlm pelukan makcik...
Badan akak terasa panas...
Makk...
Anak mak yang seorang tu demam...
Mak tauu...
Cuma akak sorang saja anak mak yang tak mengiringi mak ke tanah perkuburan.. .
Mak... Hari-hari ku lalui tanpa kewujudan mak lagi...
Begitu terasa kehilangan mak...
Boleh kata setiap malam selepas maghrib anak mak ini berendam airmata...
Dan sampai satu tahap...
Masa tu malam jumaat selepas maghrib...
Selepas kiter baca yassin ngan kawan-kawan...
Entah kenapa biler kat bilik kiter keluarkan gambar-gambar mak pastu apa lagi...
Semakin kiter tenung terasa semakin sayu...
Tangisan tak dapat dibendung...
Mak tauu...
Kiter cuba bertahan...
Memujuk diri sendiri tapi tak juga reda...
Kiter rasa nak telefon mak...
Nak cakap dengan mak...
Anak mak yang ni dah tak betul kan ...????
Dan akhirnya dalam sedu sedan itu kiter telefon kampong...
Kiter cakap dengan kakak..kiter nangis lagi...
Puas la kakak memujuk kiter...
Akak kata... "tak baik laa nangis aje.. doa lah untuk mak.."
Dan akhirnya akak juga nangis...
Mak tau tak..
Di saat itu kerinduan terasa menusuk sehingga ke hulu hati...
Rasa nyilu sangat...
Menusuk-nusuk sehingga terasa begitu sakit dalam dada ni...
Sampai sekarang bila kerinduan itu menjelma...
Hanya sedekah al-fatihah kiter berikan...
Mak...
Cukup la sampai sini dulu...
Kawan kiter dah ketuk pintu bilik tu...
Kejap lagi kami nak pergi solat subuh kat masjid...
Selalunya, kiter yang bawak mak naik motor kan ...
Kali ni kiter jalan kaki dengan kawan pulak...
Esok kiter ingat nak tulis surat kat ayah pula...
Mula-mula kiter tak tau nak hantar mana surat nih...
Pastu kawan kiter bgtau...
Simpan je buat kenangan..
Kiter cuma tau alamat ni aje...
Takper yer mak...k
Kiter kasi orang lain baca...
Kiter stop dulu...
sebab kawan kiter dah lama tunggu tu...
akhir kata untuk mak
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Dan jutaan terima kasih kerana membesarkan kiter...
Memberi seluruh kasih sayang dari kecil sampai masuk sekolah..
Sampai masuk universiti..
Sampai kiter boleh rase naik kapal terbang...
Boleh rasa duduk kat negara orang... sampai akhir hayat ini jasa mak tak akan mampu kiter balas..
Sekian terima kasih,Yang Benar Anak mak yang dah tak degil

chapter 6

hurmm. . I think this is the final chapter of my love story in the secondary school. .it's sad to think that this is the final chapter .. actually,there are lots of thing that I wanna share with all of you,but due to some personal matters,I cant share all of it in this blog. . .just let it be a secret to myself ok. . now,let us get started. . .


the final exam is around the corner (SPM). . .all of the teachers kept giving us lots of homework to ensure us didnt lose the momentum of study. . .this also make both of us getting busier. . .so,when we are hell lots of busier than normal,we hardly meet each other. . .then,I decided to study with her and she agreed. . .I was quite happy with that,but it aint for so long. . .suddenly,the wardens became active. . .I was nearly caught when we're are together. .hey,we arent doing anything. . we are studying ok. . hehe. . .luckily there are my friends that told me about the warden. . .


weeks passing by like wind and I didnt realised that we rarely meet each other. . .furthermore,our class is being separated according to our attitude. . .before we being divided into 'species', all of form 5 students being gathered inside the meeting room; bilik santubong. . .then,we wrote the name that we thought gonna disturb our studies. . .after a while,all of the voting event ended. . .few days later,the result comes out and my name goes to the fourth ranking!!so,it seems like i am the forth person out of my batch that they want to throw away? (-.-). . hehe. . actually, I am a naughty person,always being a trouble to my classmates, make all of the noise and playful. . that's why my SPM's result went bad. . .9A 1B. . I hate that B. . .hurmm. . .


now,back to the story. . 


I gave her room and spaces so that she can concentrate on her study. . .and I need some space too. . .so,we agreed to strive and try our best for the SPM. . .but,it cant be helped. . .I really miss her and we keep seeing each other although it was the exam season. . .eventhough we keep seeing each other,but we bring books and notes with us too. . hehe. . hey,it sad to remeber all those moment and i being thinking whether I should stop typing or not. . .hurmm. . I think I just continue. . .all the test passed by and without I realized,it is the Biology paper. . it was the last paper for her and the second last paper for me. . .before going to the examination hall,we studied together at the stair and around 30minutes before entering the examination hall,we walked our way to the canteen together. . .my mom already saw us from far and smiled. . .I asked her to sit with me and my mom. . .my sister also there too. . .but she refused.  .shy. . .hehe. . .CUTE!!!!


then,my mom asked me,is that your girlfriend?proudly say,yes!!then my little sister keep teasing me until I went into the examination hall. .at 4pm,the paper finished and we go to the class to pack our thing. . .we sit at the stair and she said that she will be going home at 4.30pm. . . .we had lots of conversation and without I realized, I cried. . .looking at the watch and counting the time left for us. . .we kept silent for a while and I hugged her during those final moment. . .it seems like the time went slowly on that day. . I asked her to do something. . .promised me that she will forget all the thing about me and study hard. . .there will be a man better than me. .. she refused and I asked her to keep quiet. . . .
'just promised me ok'. . . .she nodded and tell that she gonna study hard. . . .


then,I accompany her to her dormitory and I glazed upon her,seeing her for the last time and I made my way to my dorm. . .packing all my thing and wait for my parent to fetch me. . .in my room,I still texted her. . .my eyes are all swollen and red because of crying. . . .


around 7.30pm my parent arrived and I asked them to stopped by the class block. . .I took some picture. . .the stair and others. . . .after done with final photo shoot,I go to the cars and flew away. . . .away from the school. . .and left behind our sweet memories. . . . .






hurmm. .it seems like this is the end of story. . kinda sad thinking about it. . .so,that's my story. . .how bout yours??




thankz for all your support before this and thankz 4 reading too!!by the way,I cant post the picture that I took because of the privacy and I'm really2 sorry. . I just want to keep it as our memories . . .hope you will understand k!!


(-.-) ----->cannot miss this. . hehe. . 

found it already!!

I found it already. . .the other pics took by my friend. . .feel free to see ok. . .by the way,you must log in to facebook first ok. . enjoy!!


here's the link. . . 


http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.197762720265657.45259.100000957908090



http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.197781753597087.45266.100000957908090



http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.197810546927541.45271.100000957908090

(-.-)

so tired last night. . .

hey. . .I'm really2 sorry because i didnt post something last night. . .really2 tired due to the drama festival last night. . .although the event was started late,but overall the event was awesome!!by the way, I also taking part in the event. . .I am a doctor and I'm in-charge for the presentation of slide for our group. . .

for me,our group is the best!!but the truth is the best group is the first group. . .hurmm. . . .it seems like there are more prepared than us. . .all the lightning and performance was awesome although there are some people becaome 'bapok'. . .haha. . .it seems like they are 'bapok' ------->truely 'bapok'. . .


urghh!!how can it be like that??huhuhu. . enough with all those nonsense stuff. . .there are all six or seven group performed their drama yesterday. . .and all the performances ended nearly at twelve. . .after all the drama had ended,there are some dance performance being carried on. . .there are Thailand dance,Malay dance (I think it was zapin) and Indian dance. . the dance all are awesome. . .especially the Thailand dance. . .hehe. . .one of my friend is performing too in the thailand dance. . .it looks like Ong Bak. . hehe. . 

hurmm. . .I think that's all for now. . .if I got time,I will post something else ok. . .by the way,this is the link for the pics that one of my friend took last night. . the other friend still didnt upload his pics yet. . i dont know why. . .just click here ok ---->http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.1695173223219.2084465.1354491728


ok. . til then,daa~

(thankz 4  viewing my blog ok!!)
(-.-)

chapter 5. . .

wahh!!it's entering the fifth chapter already. . .before that,just wanna mentioned something,currently we are in the study week,so maybe in this two weeks or less,there is no new post added ok . . .but,i try to update something ok. . .and i will make sure the post is interesting!!

now. . let the story begin. . .

two weeks at home really made me bored. . .cant denied that I've being scolded by my parent during the first one and two days. . . .just let the disciplinary case that I have committed being a secret ok. .  then,I admitted that I really missed miss NF during those weeks of suspension. . .every night, I will read the letters that miss NF gave me. . .then,without I've realized, I cried. . .i waited patiently until the two weeks of suspension ended. . 

time goes by and the suffering moment ended. . .by the way,before I went home, I sent a letter to miss NF. . .asking her to forget about me. . .hey,I'm a bad person . . .I don't wanna ruin her future. . .I just want her to be happy with a man that suits her 100%. . .but that exactly not me. . .(o.o)

but, at school,it seems like she didnt care whether I'm around or not. . .everytime I passed her,she would just ignored me. . .I felt really frustrated that time because all this time I waited patiently for her and then she simply ignored me when I'm there. . 

after sometime, I sent her a letter;asking why did she behave like that. . .then she told me there are lots of spy wandering around to find any couple to being report to the warden. . .

owh. . ok. . .urghh!!so busybody laa~. . .hehe. . .

then, I threw away all my bad thoughts about her. . .time flew by and all the spying activities seems like already cools down. . .what a relieved. . then,we met at her class and talked as much as we can. . .she really missed me!!yay!!hehe. . .then,the bell rang, a sign that the preparation class for the evening session had ended. . .I accompany her to the cooperative and then to the cafe. . .after take our food,then we split up to our own dormitory. . .most everynight we are doing the same thing. . .sometimes,we studied together and I still remembered an incident happened during recess. . .during that time,both of us are having some conversation in her class. .then,by all of sudden,their class' teacher went into the class and started to talking about something. . suddenly,miss NF became quite. . .haha. . .hurmm. . really can't forget about that moment. . . .

hey, I think that's all for now. . .If I got time, I will continue my story ok. . .really2 sorry. . .currently we are having drama practice and as I mentioned in the earlier post,we are going to final. . yay!!but I am extremely tired right now. . .

so till then,daa~

- thankz 4 viewing my blog. . .by the way,when I published this post,my blog already being viewed about 400 times. . .so thankz 4 the support!!-

(0.0) ------>does this looks like a tired person??

cun saja by sleeq. . .(and some other problems)

hey!!actually i'm just listened to a malay song that really gain my interest. . .the title is cun saja by sleeq. . .here's the lyric and for the song,find it yourself ok!!dont be to lazy. . .urghh!!enjoy and good luck for finding the song!!


Chorus:-
Lagu ini bukan di radio setiap hari untukmu
Lagu ini tidak perlu kau kembali kepadaku
Lagu ini hanya ingin kau fahami ku sudah teruskan hidupku
Semuanya cun saja

Tak perlu tinggalkan pesanan
Tak perlu buat panggilan
Ku tak perlu lagi kalau kau cuba mintak maaf
Lupakan sahaja
Diriku cun saja

Duduk di rumah seorang saja
Menulis lagu cinta
Menggunakan kisah ini tuk ceritakan

-Chorus-

Alyph:
Cun hidupku kini cun saja
Sejak kita memang cun semuanya
Sejak pisah itulah permulaannya untukku berhati-hati dgn buaya
Ngap ngap pendirianku tegap
Jumlah kali kita bertengkar memang genap
Untuk aku ke tahap ini silap kita memang patut sama-sama kene sepak pak pak
Tapi bukan niat aku tuk salahkan dirimu
Aku sedar ku juga ada kekuranganku
Tapi kalau bersifat mementingkan diri sendiri untuk kebaikkan bukan kurang ajar itu

Duduk di rumah seorang saja
Mengarang lagu cinta
Dengan mengembalikan kisah kitakan tapi jangan perasaan
Ohh..

Walaupun ini bab yang baru ada masa arah ku tak tentu
Tetap rindu kehadiranmu, tidak patut
Kerna ku takut

-CHORUS-

Lagu ini,
Tandanya kamu masih sayangkan ku
Walaupun sudah tidak bersama lagi

Lagu ini,
Tandanya ku masih rindukanmu
Walaupun sudah tidak bersama lagi

Lagu ini,
Dengan lagu ini ku ingin memberitahu kamu bahawaku okay
Aku okay

Lagu ini,
Dengan lagu ini ku ingin memberitahu kamu jangan cakap tak boleh

-CHORUS-



currently i'm doing my assignment for chemistry and havent done anything yet since 2 o'clock!!(2a.m. of course). . .urghh!!trying to find the solution in the internet and negative~no answer. .. most of the solutions are using percentage in the questions. . but in the assignment,it is not!!


if u want to know the question,just continue reading. . .if u don't want,just throw your sight away from this blog ok!!hehe. . .here's the question. . 


1. A compound of Ca, C, N, and S was subjected to quantitative analysis and molar mass determination, and the following data were obtained. A 0.250-g sample was mixed with Na2CO3 to convert all the Ca to 0.160g of CaC03. A o.115-g sample of the compound was carried through a series of reaction until all of its S was changed to 0.344g of BaSO4. A 0.712-g sample was processed to liberate all of its N as NH3 was obtained. Determine the empirical formula of this compound.


how's that??anyone got the idea on how to solve it??by the way,where did the bariu comes from??from the reaction??then do we need to know what type of the reaction occured??then suddenly we obtained NH3 at the end process. . .urghh!!somebody,someone, or something~can u please help me??


(-.-)


( there are 4 question of it. . .each of them are different. . .in the structure of the questions,the topic,everything!!)


in the next post,it will be the last chapter for the story of my life. . .to anyone whom this is your first time viewing my blog,just go through the previous posts and you will know what am I talking bout. . .but,sorry if I made you headache for the 'flashback' episode. . . .hehe. . .

hurmm. . .let us continue. . .

urghh!!tension!!hehe. . actually we are struggling on the portfolio for english. . luckily our english tutorial teacher, Mdm Stanee Tan Soon Ee is a really nice person. . .she give me time until this thursday to hand in the portfolio. . well, let us continue with the story ok. .


this is chapter 3.2. . . .hehe. . .


hurmm. . .where should i start?ok. . .after all the stepping drama and all the persuading and sulking part, we become a really good friend. . .by the way, I started to like her during the Islamic studies' class. . .but i still didnt confess to her. . .hey,she like somebody else during that time. . .just let me call him mr. NR ok. . .time goes by and one day i asked her whether she still like him or not. . .then she said no. .fuhh. . .what a relieve to hear something as good as that. . .for your information,mr. NR already moved to another school during this time. . .then we getting closer (me and miss NF) until everybody thought that we are couple. . hehe. . .actually,we havent been a couple but acting like a real couple. . .do u get what I meant or not??


(nodding head)


ok. . .it seems like all of you understand what i'm trying to say here. . .but,all the thought faded away when the MAC 2009 going on. . .


During the event,the boy students are allowed to visits the girl's dormitory and vice versa. .actually the event is to celebrate people whom excel during the examination. . it being carried on once a year. . .students from other school also came to our school during that event. . . that day, I want to ask miss NF to walk with me for the visiting tour. .


at first time, I cant see her anyway at the girl's dormitory. . .during that year,miss NF is staying at UKM. . . .a dorm that occupied by form 1,2, and 4 sigma and omega girls. . .by the way,miss NF is an omegarian. . .I asked her friends whether they seen her anywhere. . .the answer is negative. . .then,I tried to find her at her room (her junior, Dorafira yaya told me about her room number),but still I cant find her anywhere. . before that,if miss NF read this post, I'm really2 sorry because i sat on ur bed that day. . .hehehe. . .


after spending some time sitting there and go to other girl's dormitories, I decided to return back to my room because i'm extremely tired. . .but,something that really make me confuse and. .urghh!! i dunno what to say, came across me. . .it was miss NF and mr. NR walking together,like an actual couple,laughing and they look so harmonius (harmonius??shouldnt it be suits??)


I heard what are they talking about and it seems like miss NF really enjoy the time with mr. NR. .well, he is miss NF first love. . .it must be hard for her to forget him, same goes with me. . .i admitted that it hard for me to forget miss NS. .but,i tried to forget her (miss NS) and at least I have the effort right. . .miss NF already mentioned to me that she doesnt like mr. NR anymore because he cheated her last time. . .


I just passed by them and making a really innocent face,like nothing had happen. . .then, I reached UTM
and at there I went berserk!!the sofa, the chair, the table in UTM lounge scattered around because of me. . .I really dunno what made me become like that. ..if u had read the earlier post, u will know that i am a really calm person. . but that day,everything change. . .the incident didnt end there. . it continued to UUM: my dormitory, and two solid wood door went down because of my fist. . .but,strangely, I didnt felt anything. . maybe because anger had took controlled over me. . .but,frankly to say,the bone at my fist dislocated a bit. . .I cried, frustrated, all the feelings mixed around and without i realised I felt asleep after all those 'killing' spree. . .


The next day, my classmate realized the changes that occurred at me. . .I became a really quite person. . .besides, I also became an idle person. . . .I refuses to talk except being asked and I didnt meet miss NF for a while. . .I also send a letter to her asking her to stay away from me because during that time,I still really confused and frustrated. . .I cut my hand too. . .luckily the cut is not deep enough to make me faint due to loss of excess blood. . .do u want to know something?I borrowed scissor from her junior,grace gadung to cut myself. . haha. . .and she is the person that reprimand me about the dripping blood. . urghh!!


Tik! tok! tik! tok! tik! tok!


time goes by and I started to approached her after her bff told me about what happen to miss NF. . .by the way,if u dunno what is the meaning of bff, it stands for bestfriend forever. . .she said that miss NF always cried and really regretted about her action last time. . .this is based on what her bff told me. . .I tried to make the situation to improved, but the MAC incident still fresh in my mind. . it seems like it just happen yesterday. . . .




_to be continued_


(please stop making it moved backwards!!)
(can you please continue with chapter 4??!!)
(urghh!!now I get the point why the number of people viewing this blog keep increasing. .)


-by the way,if you think it's all miss NF's fault, please change your mind. . actually,it's all my fault. . it was I that dunno how to maintain our relationship. .she is innocent. . .-
-thankz 4 reading my blog ok-


(o.o)

a different post~

fuhh!!so scared. .just now we went to restaurant al-bayan to have some late supper. . .now,this is not the real story. .here is the real one. . .


everything went smoothly. . .borrowing a yamaha 135LC from one of my friend. . .drive the motorcycle past the security post,all went smoothly. . .until,we drived the bike out of UTP. . .

we met a really nice traffic officer who made us creeps for a while because we met a roadblock just now!!hehe. .  .luckily he is a nice guy. . .one more thing,'thanks a lot' to the owner of the bike because didnt put the P sticker on ur bike. . .hehe. . but,it seems like luck is on our side. .. the officer let us passed and we're safe. . .yay!!

then,we continued our journey to find some food to eat!!hehe. . .ikhtiar ate chicken rice and I ate roti canai;2 plate of it. . wau!!that's why i'm getting fatter each day. . .

not that fat ok. . .but,frankly to say,my cheek getting more chubby everyday. . .if u had viewed my blog before this,u can see the differences right. . . .urghh!!or do i look like this??

urghh!!can't stop thinking about it. . .hehe. . .i think that's all for now. . .maybe in the next post i will continue about the story ok. . just keep up-to-date ok. . bye!!

(where's the story??)
(do u think this blog is boring??hell no!!it's awesome!!)
(keep it up!!)

_by the way. . .i'm going back to my hometown(miri) this upcoming holiday. . .using flight 10/5 at 4.30p.m_

ok. . till then. . daa~(can't stop thinking about getting chubbier. . urghh!!)

chapter 3.5 (-.-)

hehe. . hye everyone. . .2day i'm gonna do something a little bit different from what i'm usually doing before. . 
let us begin this new post with chapter 3.5 ok. . (it's kinda freaky to have something going backward. . )


if i want,i will meet her everynight at her class room. . .but,the warden and the time factor limiting us from seeing each other. . .hehe. . luckily,letters exist to act as a medium for us to communicate. . thanks to whoever-had-created the letter!!thankz a lot!!


all of miss NF's letters i keep it in a box,yellow in colour with some decoration at it and i keep the box in my wardrobe. . frankly to say,the box is full and 'leaking'. . haha. . .but that is what i treasured the most after my parent,my sister and her(this included our memories too. .)


without me realizing it,we become couple. . .phewitt. . .we just keep a low profile about it. . .actually,before this i already asked her to be my girlfriend but she refused( i already ask her for many times already) . . then. . . . . . .


22/09/2009
we officially become a couple at 1.41 am. . .she texted me and hell yeah!!i'm surprised to read the message. . . .then,i asked her,is it true??then she answered,'if u do not want to,nevermind'(of course,after being translated to english). . .
feeling afraid,i quickly say yes. . .hehe. . .only the God knowa how i felt that day. . .woa!!so happy and frankly to say. . .it was awesome!!i never felt as happy as that day. . .


time goes by and we become like belangkas. . .haha. . .i shared my problems with her and she shared hers. .
everynight before the preparation class ended,i will meet her at her class. . .talking with her make the time goes by like wind. . time passing by so fast and without the two of us realized,the preparation class ended. . .but,it didnt stop there. . .we will walked together to the cafe and at the cafe,we are separated(well,she's living in princess' dormitory and i am living in the prince's dormitory). . . .


eventhough we are always fighting(due to small matter and sometime BIG matter),we still try to improved ourselves. . . .hurmm. . . . .remembering those moments makes me smile. . .then,something happened. . .


.................................................................


we broke up at 11/1/2011. . . .before this i already asked her to leave me because it seems like we are not meant to be together. . .


uno : she is a good student and i'm not
due : she is hardworking and i'm a lazy person(does this included in the first one?)
tre : she comes from a rich family and i am not(for me,without money,how can i make her happy)
quattro : i still loved miss NS. . .but the i keep denying those feeling. . .


you must think that i'm a jerk right. . .(-.-)


then,on that date,we broke up and i can see her eyes getting red and swollen(imagination). . .urghh!!what the hell i'm thinking that time. . .when we already officially not a couple anymore,all the thoughts,all the memories rush into my mind. . . the moment we spent at the stair,all the things that we do together,all of them rushed into my mind. . .




_to be continued_


(maybe in backwards chapter??)
 owh. . before i forget,this is the poem that i promised . . .

The Pisces

Water flows through the river

As it flows through my eyes

They say a Pisces dreamer

Has lived other life

There’s something more there

I can see it clear

Not something you hold in your hand

The end of the flow

It ends with me in eternity

The poet and the dreamer

Creating Pisces flow

There is a world that we possess

The beautiful Land of Dream

There’s something vibrant there

Yes, I can see it clear

It is something you have in your heart

This is the end of the circle

It ended with me in eternity

When we are playing piano together

Sitting side by side

The happiness that I felt

Really make my days glow

Beyond just what you can see lies darkness

My life it changes with everything around me

Sometimes I need to get the hell out of here

If you are a soul in need

I will be your companion

If you need compassion

I will stand up like a rigid wall right by your side

I can tell you what others can’t tell

Yes, I can read your mind

As 1000 nights passed

I long to tell you

Hoping you to understand my feelings

But

It seems like impossible to be done

Saying ‘I love you’ to someone I love

Is the most beautiful thing in this world

Pisces belongs in another world in another time

Leo rules my hours

Devoted by your side

And maybe my days are numbered

The heart of the Pisces

Soul lives through time

Both of us in dire sadness

I hope you will still happy

Despite the absence of me

wahh!!entering new chapter. . .

hehe. . .thanks 4 visiting and read my blog and whatever that i post here. . .thanks a lot. .well,here we are,the fourth chapter. . .before i continued,any part of this blog(especially my story) cannot be published in any type of media;e.g novel,movie,drama e.t.c. . . .hehe. . .well,this is my story and i dont want any third party to use it ok. . . .


here we go. . .


then,starting from there i'm getting close to her. . .getting more intimate. . .miss NF really love cold green tea. . .any brand would do. . .but for me i prefer yeos. . there is something that i wanna tell u about this 'green tea'. . . .actually,before this i loved drinking soy milk;yeos brand too because contain less sugar. . .i'm started to drink soy milk when i'm fall in love with miss NS. . .hehe. . . 


now,let us get back to the story. . .i bought her chocolate,green tea drink,sweets. . .just to persuade miss NF. . .after sometime,she finally not sulking anymore. . .time goes by,and we become best friend. . .actually,miss NF is a person that easy to forgive people,but hard to forgive something that makes her heart break. . .u get what i meant right. .other than hurting her feeling,she is a noble person. . .hey,that's my own opinion ok . .


27/01/2009 (a month before miss NF's birthday)
we texted each other. . .if i'm not mistaken,we are spending the night at our own houses. . .without me realizing it,i fallen in love with her. . .
7.40p.m - i told her that i loved her. . .(by text of course). . i still do not have the courage to tell her verbally. . . .then,she seems to be surprised. . .
7.41p.m - uh?what are u saying? (after being translated to english)
then i repeat my statement back. . .i love her. . .but,she replied in a really innocent way. . hehe. . so cute!!
she thought that i'm still in love with miss NS. . .to be true,during that time,i'm still love miss NS. . .but the feeling is fading away. . .to get rid of miss NS from my mind,i try to love someone else. . the unlucky person is miss NF. . i'm really2 sorry to involve u in this matter. . .but i'm really want to thank -you- for helping me to forget miss NS. . .


days goes by,and we started to love each other. . eventhough i am a troublemaker and miss NF is a really good student (well,in teachers' eyes,she is a really good student),but she always loves me and the love getting stronger each time passes by. .everytime my name being announce by the warden,she will give me a letter. . .keep advising me to repent. . .but,i am so fool,keep repeating the same mistake. . .until one day,i received a letter from the school saying that i'm gonna be suspended from the school for couple of weeks. . .


before i'm being suspended,i bought her something. . .a flip flap flower. . .i told her,if she missed me,just look at the flower. . .i hope she still keep it. . .although it is a cheap thing,but i really hope that she take a good care of it. . .i also give her a poem that i created at 18th october 2010. . .i asked one of the school magazine's crew to put my poem to the school magazine for 2010 edition. . .but,it seems like they forgot about it. . .urghh!!forget it. . .before i'm leaving the school,she send me a letter that until now i still kept it. . .


actually,everytime she send me a letter,she would asked me to throw it away. .if miss NF is reading this blog,i'm sorry because i didnt listen to your words. . frankly to say,i still keep all the letter,the food wrapper (sweets),empty drink cans that u give me. . .i dont want to throw it away because it is our memories. . .


_to be continued_


(what?!!please. . . .continue your story. . .please3!!)  (o.o)


-for the next post, i will included the poem too. . .the title is the pisces-
-thanks everyone that read my blog. . .when this post being published,my blog already being viewed 211 times. . .ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!!

third chapter. . .(o.o)

hurmm. . .didn't get enough sleep yesterday,and i decided to continue the 'story of my life'. . hehe. . .


i asked him to take care of miss NS. .i don't want to see her crying again. .but,something really made me angry that day. . he just make an annoying face when i'm talking to him. . urghh!!f**k off!!


ehem2. . .sorry for the harsh and inappropriate word. . .can u imagine that he simply ignore me and continue his sleep after i'm talking to him??then i leave a final letter to miss NS when the programme come to its end. . .but,something make me really angry after that. . .him;the. . .urghh!!i dunno what 2 say, read the letter first. . .(sharpening the knife). . .luckily,he is in the different class with me. . .he is form 3 maju and i'm in 3 iltizam. . .lucky him. . .i know that he read the letter when i go to miss NS class to search for miss NS. . .realizing that her is not around,i went to her table. . .surprisingly,the letter is not there and i'm wondering where did the letter gone. . .after some investigation and searching,i found HIM upstairs,reading the letter. . .then i just took it away from his hand and said thank you,friend~


until now miss NS doesnt know the contain of the letter. . .


PRANGG!!hehe. . .the mirror of 3usaha's class broke because of me. . .frankly to say,it was hurt!!luckily my left hand is not bleeding. . .just some red mark on it. . then,my life just goes by. . .


entered form 4. . .
it's HIM!!he get into the same class with me. . .urghh!!form 4 iltizam. .let me tell u something about the class system in our school. . .mainly,they have 4 classes for each form. . .iltizam,usaha,maju,jaya. . .for the first class(iltizam),we been selected by our examination result. . .the top 25 goes to this class. . .then,the other three being mixed. . .so there is no distinct difference in the other three. . .but,for me,all of us are the same. . we live under one roof,under one batch,but the most important is as one family. . .


i want all of u to imagined something first ok. . can u imagined that,during my first senior year(form 4),i never greet him or talk to him~daa. . .it's my own way to forget something ok. . it takes me nearly 3 months to forget about miss NS(unfortunately not 100%). . .in the year 2009,he and miss NS getting closer and more intimate each day. . both of them are prefects,in the same sport house(gamma),both of them are also athletes. . .compared to me,i'm having a hell lot of differences with miss NS. . .i'm a trouble-maker,not an athlete(until i'm in second year senior - form 5) and i am in DELTA sporthouse. . hehe. ..up!up! delta!!furthermore,i had been suspended from school in my SPM year. .can u imagined that?!!haha. . .luckily i didnt being discarded from the school. .


then,in my effort trying to forget miss NS,i met a woman. . .hurmm. . .let me called her miss NF ok. .actually, during form 4,we combined our class with form 4 jaya for Islamic studies sessions. . .and,she sat besides me during those lessons. .gettinng sleepy in the class made me disturbed her. .i still remembered. . miss NF has a pencilcase,yellow in colour with a spongy red strawberry. . .i opened her pencilcase and started to take out her stationery. . .then,both of us started to quarrel. . hahaha. . .from the pencilcase incident,it continues of shoe fight!!actually we just stepping on each other shoes. . .lol~


there is one day that she sulking at me. . .i stepped on her new shoes. . urghh!!!so sorry miss NF. . i'm used to do it. . i'm really2 sorry. . .to show my repentance,i keep talking to her and trying to get close to her. . .(but she stepped me back ok. . .fair and square)


then,starting from there. . . .(to be continued)


-by the way,our batch name is the resurgence-

the next chapter~

uhuk2. . . .flu. . . .ok. . .let us continue. . .


Miss JN and me having relationship. . in the same time,i love miss NS too. . .than usually we will date at the stair. . huhu. . .so weird huh. . .actually i didnt have any feeling toward miss JN. .this is how the story between miss JN and me. . .


that night,when i'm in form 2,and miss JN is in form 1,my classroom is at the first floor while miss JN's class is at ground floor. . . that night,i went downstair to borrow her file. .in that file contain lots of lyrics. . .that time,i am so sleepy and decided to sing. . .so,i went down and borrow her file. . 


after some singing(hahaha. . .),i go back to her class and return the file. . .but i'm still sleepy and i didnt realized what just i mentioned to her. . i said that i like her!!haha. . .remembering those moments makes me smile for sometimes. . 


then,the preparation class ended and i went back to my dorm. . one of my roommates give me something when i landed my body to the bed. . .a letter!!from miss JN. . huhuhu. . .she said that is it true that i liked her???actually,it is not only that. . .but lots more. .hey,i'm not gonna mention all of it right. . .i replied back using a new paper and said i liked her since the first day she entered the school. . .during that time,i didnt trust miss NS. . i thought that miss NS didnt like me seriously. . .


the next preparation class,i got a new letter from miss JN. . .then we started to texting each other besides sending letters to each other. . .after some time,we didnt realized that we love each other. . well, cinta monyet la katakan. . . .we always meet at the stair and foolishly i'm hoping that miss NS will found us. . .but,unfortunately no. . .u must be wondering why i want miss NS to see both of us dating right. . .i just want her to found out about the scandal between me and miss JN so that i can persuade her in case she is sulking. . . .but,it went all the way around. . .


i gave miss NS a mug. . .with some decorations on it,made by myself. . .i still remembered about the mug. . .let me tell u something about the mug. .it's blue in colour. . .there are some writing on it. . .kitty <3 tiramisu. . .kitty is miss NS and tiramisu is me. . .well,miss NS has a cat-like face. . .miau2!!huhu. . .besides,i also wrote "hope our relationship lasts till the Death separate us". . . .when i gave her the mug(i put it on her table),her friend said that she even sleep with the mug. . .huhu. . .so cute!!


then,the book kantoi. . . .actually the book is a medium for miss JN and me to communicate. . replacing letters. . .miss NS read all the contain inside the book and she went berserk. . .she smashed the mug i gave to her to the floor (during afternoon preparation class). . .i know about this thing when one of my friend told me about it. . .add him ok. . .this is the link. .http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100000467684729 . . .then,my heart seems to stop beating. . .i went to her class and seeing that she is crying. . .i made my decision not to persuade her for while,until her anger cools down. . .


time goes by and we broke up(miss JN and i-our relationship last for around a year). . .i want to concentrate on my study for PMR. . .after the PMR ended,my school is having a programme. . PASCA PMR. . .it is a programme for the PMR leavers. . then,i saw something that really made me jealous. . .miss NS happily with other guy. . .he is one of my friend too. . .than,i went wild and got frustrated. . .as a proof, i have a scar on my left leg. . hurmm. . .it is due to a metal that fixed to the ground. . .it hit my leg during that night. . .


seconds,minutes,hours,days,weeks passed by. . .i asked him to take care of her(miss NS). . .i said to him that i dont want to see miss NS to cry anymore. . .




_to be continued_
(sorry for any typing error. . .i didnt checked my spelling back there,but i'm trying my best)
(i still keep the broken mug with me. . .but there are some part of the broken mug missing. . hey,it's my art ok~)

first episode. . .

ehem2. . . .good afternoon everyone. . .just woke up from a deep sleep just now. . .before this,i already mentioned about her right. . .i think i wanna started the whole story again. . .starting from the first chapter. . .when i'm a form one student. . .

that day,i asked faiz for someone phone number. . .furthermore faiz is her classmate. . .by the way,if u want to know faiz,add him at fb ok. . .here's the link http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=1152990838

now. . .get back to the story. . .hurmm. . .let call her miss NS ok. . .i still remembered the first message between both of us. . .actually it was me who started it first. .

3/8/2006

hye,bleh berknln?? - hehe. . so childish and immature right. . .hey,i'm still 13~. . .if u dont understand about that phrase,it means that i want to know about her. . then we started to texting each other for a quite a long time. . .since then.my heart keep telling me that actually i'm falling in love. . .hehe. . .so funny right. . .

during all the time that we having our conversations by texting each other,it seems like both of us are really close. . .people also said that we will last forever. . .hehe. . .well,a form one student's way of thinking. . .let us continue. . 

then,5/9/2006. . .miss NS's birthday. . .i was so eager to celebrate her birthday~i bought a teddy bear,cadbury chocolate and a birthday wish card. . .i put all the presents at her chair. . .i think around 6o'clock in the morning. . .but, i also mentioned something that hard for me to forget it. . i asked who rain and fullhouse?????????

haha. . .we dont have astro channel back in those day. . .so that's why i dunno anything about all the korean drama. .

the same day 5/9/2006

after the class ended for the first session(1st session is from 7 to around 10.20 to 10.50). . . .then,during recess time, her friend,give something back to me. . something that i really recognize. . .the teddy bear. . .with a message. . 

i dont want this teddy bear,take it back or i throw it away. . .

hurmm. . actually. . . ony God knows how i felt. . . since that incident,i have a new name. . REJECTED. . 

ok. . .just forget it ok. . .but,we kept texting and calling each other until form 3(2008). . .

but,do u ever believe that we are not couple yet??hehe. .nevermind. . as long as i know that both of us looving each other. . hik!during my junior year(form 1 until form 3) we met anly for two times. .. hehe. . .so weird right. . .

then,something happen. . .urmm. . .how to say it huh??i didnt believe her. . .what i meant here is i dont trust her. . .what a foolish action right. . .i started a new relationship with my junior(one year younger than me). . just called her miss JN ok. . .

_to be continued_(-.-)

next~. . . . .

hye!!this is the nest thing that i wanna share with all of u. . . the same thing that i mentioned before. . 


11th april 2009
i texted her using a new number because i didnt have any credit in my old number. . .then,i asked her to guess who is it. . .then she told me that i am mel. . . .hehehe. . . .mel??for ur information. . mel is my one of mu best friend!!the craziest yet clever!!haha. . mel. . .mel. . 
i kept telling her that i am faqqar,but she still doesnt believe me. . .i told her everything about me and yet,she still insisted on her statement. . saying that i am not faqqar. . haha. . then,feeling tired of keep telling her the truth,i just kept quite. . .
all of sudden,she text me back and saying that only faqqar that would sulk to her. . HAHAHA!!. . so niw,i already have a new title!! mr. king sulk!!. . haha. . (approved and created by myself)
humhumhum. . 




12th april 2009
12.00a.m. . i'm already in sleep mode. . .
12.10a.m.. woke up due to my ringtone. . (woi~ada msj tok aie. . .xdgr ka??). . hehe. . .the voice is so childish. .until right now i'm using this ringtone. . 19minutes later,she text me again. . saying that she missed me!!
hurmm. . .yay!!=>


then,she asked me to not to be so closed so that no one would recognize us as a couple. . 




forgot to mention something. . she said that she want to pinched me on the cheek!!hehe. . .so manjak u know. . . .


2/5/2009
hurmm. . .in sad mode. . .but i'm really regretted on what i'm doing towards her. . she said that she hates me when i keep blaming myself for something that happened. . hurmm. . .but,that's me. . .
lalala. . .urghh!!sorry!!sorry for. . .  .(o.o)
first - late replying your messages. . .(i'm working on that day)
second - sorry for being such a childish person
third - keep blaming myself
fourth - and sorry for hurting your feeling. . .

but,there is something that is so funny about her. . .she kept telling me that she done with her shower. .haha. . 

(FAQQAR,AKU DAH HABIS MANDIK!!!)

hehe. . .so weird. . .but i really love her!!

i think that's all for now. . .so sleepy already. . .bye!!

-actually wanna share a video for all of u. . but,it seems like the app is crashed. . .sorry-